This option can only be successful if you have a very good support system, preferably your own parents or close family.
Usually good friends offer support in kindness, but find it difficult to carry through for a long period of time.
The everyday realities of single parenting can be better understood by reading literature on this subject and by carefully listening to others or reading about their joys, problems and feelings, whereby you can gain a better perspective on this issue. Other new mothers may present ideas, problems or possibilities you hadn't previously considered, i.e. a restricted social life; a colick and crying baby; limited marriage possibilities; financial demands; a future stepfather taking care of your child etc. Consider the financial implications of parenting by compiling a list of monthly expenses, including baby formula, food and clothing for a growing child, baby toiletries, medication and hospitalization, day-care, furniture and equipment. Remember that your small baby will grow up and will go through all the phases a normal child goes through, some very positive but some very tiring and draining. Many feel that they just couldn't cope. Difficult circumstances feel overwhelming.
You may be worried about the reaction of
- Your partner
- Your family
- Your friends
Often the views of the people closest to us affect how we feel. It's important that you consider what you feel about having a baby.
Ask yourself these questions:
- If there were no problems, how would you feel about having your baby?
- Had you imagined yourself as a mother with children in the future?
- How realistic are your fears?
- What positive aspects do keeping the baby have for you?
Your honesty in answering these questions is critical. Your final decision is critical also. But what really matters is your action following your decision. Good intentions are wonderful but you must also carry them out and be realistic at the same time.
Are you thinking about getting married?
If you and the father of your baby truly love each other and even planned a marriage in the near future before discovering your pregnancy, this can become a very good option. Many couples who feel they “have” to get married do not “live happily ever after.” Currently almost 70% of marriages in our country end up in divorce. When pregnancy is the major reason for marriage, the failure rate goes up to 90% as the demands of a child have a detrimental effect on a young marriage. Marriage often seems like the best solution to the pregnancy problem and the easiest way out. If you are truly ready to settle down, this alternative can be wonderful for all concerned. Nevertheless, it takes TWO committed people to make it work. In marriage you commit yourself to a stable and lasting union with another person. This union should help you grow as a person and be a source of happiness and contentment in life. It should also help the growth of your spouse and should provide a stable, secure environment for rearing children. For you this means the child already growing inside you, as well as other children you may have in future.